This is one of those times, where I have a very silly conversation, and then I take it even farther than it really should go. I can’t exactly explain how it started, other than Biochem Belle from Twitter, noted she was waiting for the song Modern Major Scientist from Chemjobber. I chimed in with a few lines from “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General” only one of which did I manipulate for a scientist. I realized that about half the lines of the song would not have to be altered for a scientist as opposed to a military person. So here is where I take it too far, with apologies and great respect to Gilbert and Sullivan.
I am the very model of a modern Engineer-Scientist,
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kingdoms taxonomy, and I quote the sci papers historical
From The Lancet to Ecology, in order categorical;
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I’m very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Engineer-Scientist.
I know our engineering history, Imhotep and al-Jazari;
I understand acoustics, I know all types of VOCs,
I quote in equations all the laws thermodynamical,
In conics I can graph ellipses, hyperbolas, and parabolas;
I can tell undoubted amethyst from fluorite and lepidolite,
I know the croaking chorus of the Xenopus laevis!
Then I can name a chemical after I’ve seen its mass spectrum chromatograph,
And calculate its concentration with an internal standard added.
Then I can design a incinerator for hazardous waste destruction,
And tell you ev’ry detail of exposure risk reduction
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Engineer-Scientist.
In fact, when I know what is meant by leukotriene and histomine,
When I can tell at sight a purine from a pyrimidine,
When such units as furlong and stones I’m more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by ANSI hard hat,
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern technology,
When I know more of statistics, microbiology, and toxicology –
In short, when I’ve a smattering of hydrogeology –
You’ll say a better Engineer-Scientist has never sat a gee.
For my science knowledge, because I’m nerdy and geeky,
Is never enough and I must always satisfy my curiosity;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Engineer-Scientist.
Very clever!